What’s going on, you beautiful pirate people? I am John, The Pirate, and this is “It’s a Pirate’s Life”. I’m coming to you today from beautiful sunny Manhattan, Kansas. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “John, how in the hell does a pirate get to Kansas?”  Well, that’s a good question. So I’ll tell you.

See, I’m a military nomad. My father was a career sailor, and I was born in Florida, but you know, we moved around a lot. And then when I graduated high school, I joined the Marine Corps. After training, I settled down on the West Coast and got to see the world. During my time at Camp Pendleton, I  set sail out of there and went to Hawaii, Guam, and saw Australia too. Johnny Depp had it right. Singapore was the absolute best. Shout out to Mike Zender. You know who you are. Fantastic memories made there.

And of course, after that went to Iraq for a bit. After I came home from that, I decided I wanted to fly helicopters. I went to school to do that in Southern California, where I  just happened to pop in on Jeff Foxworthy and going on “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?”. If you want to see how that turned out, you can go watch a Season 1 Episode  (Ep.10). It’s pretty fun time.